next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
