Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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