there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
