"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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