Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
