I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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