I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
