the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
