She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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