i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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