i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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