I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
