I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
