Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
