So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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