Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
