I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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