ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
