Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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