This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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