he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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