We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
