I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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