Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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