Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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