Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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