I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
