and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
