His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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