She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
