so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They took my balls.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
