Moan for me like Helen Keller
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
