i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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