Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
