well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
