I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
