god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I need to stop coming to work sober
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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