I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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