today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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