I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
