Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
