Will you blow on my dice?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you traded sex for a burrito?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
