i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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