i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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