There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
