That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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