THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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