kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
