Nicole vs. Life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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