dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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