And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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