I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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