I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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