I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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