I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
