And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
