Where is the hickey?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
