Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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