My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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