Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
