it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
