Please, let me fuck your mom
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
