The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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