Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
