I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
