I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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