"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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