If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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