How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
