I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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