Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
