I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
