My underwear smells like fireworks.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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