alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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