Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
