she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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