In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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