you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
