hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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