if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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