***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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