But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
