Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
