I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize