Barsexuality is the new black.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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