There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
