Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
