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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
