So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
