i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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