i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
