Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
