Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
