Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
