There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize