I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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