so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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