Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
