gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dignity is for republicans.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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