I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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