okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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