Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
