I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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